Breaking Free from People-Pleasing: 5 Practical Tools
Introduction
Do you find yourself saying “yes” when you really want to say “no”? Do you often prioritize other people’s needs over your own, leaving you feeling drained and resentful? If so, you might be struggling with people-pleasing—a common but exhausting behavior that can contribute to stress, anxiety, and burnout.
People-pleasing often stems from a need for approval and fear of rejection. While it may feel like you’re helping others, the cost to your mental health can be significant. The good news? You can break free. In this blog, we will identify 5 practical, therapist-approved tools for setting healthy boundaries and reclaiming your time, energy, and peace of mind.
The Psychology Behind People-Pleasing
People-pleasing doesn’t happen by accident. It’s often rooted in perfectionism, imposter syndrome, or even past trauma. High-achieving individuals—especially women, moms, and professionals—are particularly susceptible.
Psychological patterns like these drive people-pleasing:
Fear of conflict or rejection: Avoiding discomfort by prioritizing others’ needs.
Low self-esteem: Believing your worth is tied to how much you do for others.
Childhood conditioning: Learning early that pleasing others ensures acceptance or safety.
Utilizing therapeutic approaches such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), and/or IFS (Internal Family Systems), you can learn to unravel these patterns, making it possible to set boundaries without guilt.
5 PRACTICAL TOOLS FOR SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
1. Recognize When You’re Overextending Yourself
Believe it or not, but awareness is the first step toward change. You can start by paying attention to situations where you automatically say “yes” or take on too much.
Ask yourself:
Why am I agreeing to do this?
Do I genuinely want to help [OR] am I afraid of letting someone down?
Need help identifying patterns? Well, keeping a journal can be a great way to help you identify patterns in your behavior.
____________________________
2. Practice Assertive Communication
Saying “no” doesn’t have to be harsh. The great news is utilizing what we call "Assertive Communication" provides an opportunity for you to express your needs clearly and respectfully. Practicing these scripts in advance can help build your confidence.
For example:
Instead of: “I’m not sure, let me think about it.”
Try: “I appreciate you asking, but I can’t commit to this right now.”
Practicing these scripts in advance can help build your confidence.
____________________________
3. Use Self-Compassion to Silence Your Inner Critic
Many people-pleasers struggle with guilt when setting boundaries. Combat this by practicing self-compassion. Remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to how much you do for others.
Try this affirmation:
“Saying no is an act of self-care, not selfishness.
____________________________
4. Identify and Prioritize Your Needs
Start small by carving out time for activities that recharge you—whether it’s a morning walk, journaling, or simply resting. Please remember, "You can’t pour from an empty cup." Prioritizing your needs makes you better equipped to support others when it truly matters.
____________________________
5. Create Boundary Scripts for Common Situations
Anticipate scenarios where you feel pressured to say “yes,” and create simple ready made scripts to use in the moment. The more you practice these responses, the easier they’ll become.
Examples:
“I’d love to help, but my schedule is full right now.”
“Thank you for thinking of me, but I need to focus on my own commitments.”
How Therapy Can Help
People-pleasing can feel like an impossible cycle to break, but you don’t have to do it alone. If you are looking for a safe, supportive space to explore the root causes of your behavior and develop tools to overcome it, therapy is a wonderful place to start! As a therapist specializing in anxiety, low self-esteem, and perfectionism, I use evidence-based approaches like CBT, ACT, and mindfulness to help clients set boundaries and live authentically.
Conclusion
Breaking free from people-pleasing isn’t about saying “no” to others—it’s about saying “yes” to yourself. It is very much possible to start building healthier relationships with yourself and others by A)Learning to recognize unhealthy patterns B) Practicing Assertive Communication and C) Prioritizing your needs.
If you’re ready to take the next step in overcoming people-pleasing tendencies, consider therapy as part of your journey. At Wellcore Healing, I specialize in empowering high-achieving individuals to live with confidence and clarity. Book a free consultation today to learn how we can work together.
For more information on Mental Health & Wellness, please check out my HOME PAGE. Or, if you are ready to start therapy, please feel free to CONTACT ME or SCHEDULE NOW for a free 30-minute phone consultation.
About Alexis Verbin, LCSW, LICSW
Alexis Verbin is the founder of Wellcore Healing and a licensed therapist specializing in anxiety, self-esteem, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, grief, and stress. She empowers high-achieving individuals, female executives, business owners, overwhelmed moms, and young adults to thrive through personalized, evidence-based therapy.
Online Therapy Services
Alexis offers online therapy for residents of Colorado, Massachusetts, Vermont, and Florida. With a focus on mental wellness, she uses techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Mindfulness to support her clients. Whether you're in Denver, Boston, Burlington, or Clearwater, Wellcore Healing provides compassionate, evidence-based support wherever you are.
For more information: Therapy | Online Therapy | Therapy Approach
