Self-Esteem Therapy for High-Achieving Women

Self-esteem therapy for women who look confident but never feel "enough." Build genuine self-worth and lasting confidence. Specialized online therapy throughout MA, NY, CO, VT, and FL.

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When Your Self-Worth Depends on Productivity, People-Pleasing, or Praise

You’ve built a life that looks successful on the outside, but it often comes at a cost. You push harder, achieve more, and hold yourself to impossible standards, yet the feeling of “enough” never lasts. This is the trap of low self-esteem among high-achieving women: your worth feels conditional, tied to accomplishments, validation, or being the one others can always count on. Self-esteem therapy helps you untangle that pattern, so your value isn’t determined by productivity or approval.

For Example:

  • Your mood and motivation depend heavily on external validation or criticism.

  • You never get to enjoy achievements because you feel the need to focus on the next goal.

  • Mistakes feel devastating and result in constant negative self-talk that doesn’t quiet.

  • You hyper fixate on others' personal and professional successes and get sucked into constant comparison.

  • You struggle to set boundaries because you need people to like you.

  • Your self-talk is harsh in ways you'd never speak to a friend.

  • Rest feels uncomfortable or guilt-inducing

Self-Esteem Therapy Addresses the Foundation, Not Just the Symptoms

Unlike anxiety treatment that focuses on managing specific fears, self-esteem therapy rebuilds your core relationship with yourself. The goal is to develop core worth that exists independently of performance, productivity, or other people's opinions.

Self-Esteem Specialization

I'm Alexis Verbin, LCSW (CO, NY, VT, FL), LICSW (MA), and I specialize in helping high-achieving women develop stable self-esteem that doesn't collapse under pressure or constructive feedback.

For over a decade, I've worked with ambitious professionals in Boston, NYC, Denver, and beyond who are exhausted from tying their worth to achievement.

In Our Work, You’ll Develop:

✔ Unconditional self-worth that isn't performance-based.

✔ Self-compassion that allows for mistakes and imperfections.

✔ Internal validation so you're not dependent on external approval.

✔ Boundaries rooted in knowing your value aren't negotiable.

You don't need to achieve more to feel worthy. You need to untangle your worth from your achievements.

Ready to Build Self-Esteem that Lasts?

I offer secure, HIPAA-compliant online therapy with flexible scheduling (including evenings) for clients across:

✔ Massachusetts

✔ New York

✔ Colorado

✔ Vermont

✔ Florida

Understanding Self-Esteem in High-Achieving Women

  • Self-esteem is your core sense of worth. It is independent of what you achieve, how others see you, or whether you meet expectations. It's the difference between 'I made a mistake' and 'I am a mistake. Your self-concept, how you see and evaluate yourself, shapes every decision you make, from relationships to career goals.

  • Healthy self-esteem is the ability to recognize and accept both strengths and imperfections. It’s influenced by early experiences, relationships, internal beliefs, and the way you’ve navigated challenges over time. When self-esteem is strong, it helps to improve relationships and well-being.

    Self-Esteem Research by Orth, Robins, and Widaman shows that higher self-esteem is linked to more fulfilling relationships and greater long-term happiness.

  • Low self-esteem, on the other hand, often shows up as self-doubt, constant comparison, or never feeling “enough.” It can stem from childhood experiences, trauma, cultural pressures, ongoing stress, or patterns you’ve learned along the way. While it’s not a formal "diagnosis," low self-esteem can impact your mental health and identity.

  • The good news is that self-esteem isn't who you are. Low self-esteem can be unlearned, and positive self-esteem can be strengthened at any stage of life. With therapeutic support and the right tools, you can shift these patterns and build a healthier, more grounded relationship with yourself.

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How Low Self-Esteem Shows Up Daily

Now that you understand how low self-esteem develops and feels, let’s look at the subtle ways self-doubt and insecurity can affect your thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. These patterns often appear in high-achieving women who look confident on the outside but quietly question their worth underneath.

Some of These Patterns Include:

  • You often feel “not good enough” and notice an inner critic that’s hard to quiet. Even after genuine accomplishments, your focus shifts to what could have been better instead of what went well.

  • You catch yourself measuring your progress against others, colleagues, friends, even strangers online and feeling behind, no matter how much you achieve.

    You find yourself scrolling a lot on social media to relax after a long day. However, you often leave feeling worse about yourself due to all the comparison.

  • When receiving compliments or praise, you may feel very uncomfortable.

    You might downplay success, deflect acknowledgment, or assume others are just being polite.

  • You hold yourself back from taking risks or trying new things, worried that falling short would confirm your worst fears about yourself. If anxiety often comes with that fear, anxiety therapy can help you address both.

  • You say “yes” when you want to say “no,” worry about disappointing others, and stretch yourself thin to keep everyone happy. It feels easier to overextend than risk being disliked.

  • Deep down, you may believe you don’t deserve success, rest, or love unless you’ve earned it. This belief can lead to exhaustion or self-sabotage when things are going well.

  • You might stay in unfulfilling relationships out of fear of being alone. Over time, this reinforces the idea that you’re “too much” or “not enough” to be truly accepted as you are.

What Strengthens Healthy Self-Esteem

Healthy self-esteem isn’t something you’re born with, it’s shaped by your experiences, relationships, and how you talk to yourself over time.

The Following Factors Tend to Strengthen a Stable, Grounded Sense of Self-Worth:

  • Having people who see and accept you as you are, not just for what you achieve, reinforces an internal sense of safety and belonging. A healthy connection helps you trust that your value doesn’t depend on performance.

  • Being praised for effort, encouraged to try again after mistakes, or given room to fail without judgment builds resilience and self-belief.

    Many high achievers missed this kind of validation early on, which therapy can help repair.

  • The ability to recognize both strengths and areas for growth, without harsh judgment, supports confidence and emotional balance.

    Mindfulness and CBT-based techniques can help you catch old inner narratives and replace them with more compassionate ones.

  • Learning new skills, following through on goals, and seeing your progress build genuine self-trust.

    This isn’t about achievement for achievement’s sake; it’s about aligning what you do with what truly matters to you.

  • Knowing your limits and communicating them protects your energy and reinforces your worth.

    Boundaries are a form of self-esteem in action. They show you believe your needs deserve space and consideration.

  • Being able to notice, name, and care for your emotions without shame fosters internal stability.

    When you can meet yourself with curiosity instead of criticism, confidence becomes a natural byproduct.

Therapy Techniques that Help Rebuild Genuine Self-Worth

There’s No One-Size-Fits-All Path to Stronger Self-Worth

In our work together, we’ll use a blend of evidence-based therapies designed to help you reconnect with your identity, heal self-criticism, accept internal validation in place of external praise, and build confidence that feels steady, not conditional.

When Treating Self-Esteem, I Often Utilize a Unique Blend Of:

  • How it helps you: CBT is powerful for identifying the deep-seated Core Beliefs that sabotage your self-worth, such as 'I am fundamentally flawed' or 'I am only loveable when I am succeeding.' For high achievers, we work to dismantle the conditional rules you have placed on your own value. You will learn to catch the harsh, critical thoughts that diminish your confidence and replace them with a realistic, compassionate narrative that reinforces your inherent worth as a person, regardless of your external output.

  • How it helps you: Low self-esteem often comes from fusing your identity with negative thoughts like 'I’m not good enough.' ACT helps you step back and see these thoughts as just stories, not facts. Instead of fighting to 'fix' yourself, you will learn to accept your feelings of inadequacy without letting them define who you are. We focus on connecting you with your Core Values, helping you build a life that feels authentic and fulfilling, which naturally grows a sense of self-respect that isn't dependent on the approval of others.

  • How it helps you: We often have an internal 'Critic' that shames us in an attempt to protect us from rejection. In IFS, we don't try to silence this voice; we get curious about why it feels you need to be criticized to be safe. You will learn to heal the wounded parts of yourself that carry shame from the past and tap into your 'Self-Energy,' a calm, confident core that knows your value is unshakeable. This restores a sense of internal wholeness and self-trust.

  • How it helps you: When self-esteem is low, we often disconnect from ourselves or judge our own emotions harshly. Mindfulness helps you practice 'being with' yourself in a non-judgmental way, which is the foundation of true self-acceptance. We pair this with Positive Psychology to help you identify and internalize your signature strengths. Rather than just fixing what is 'wrong,' we actively cultivate a deep appreciation for the unique qualities that make you who you are.

  • How it helps you: Your pattern of harsh self-criticism is often a survival mechanism learned in response to past invalidation or emotional injury. A trauma-informed approach understands that low self-esteem is not a 'flaw,' but a logical consequence of experiences where you felt unsafe or unseen. We do not focus on retelling the past. Instead, we create a safe, predictable space where you can gently process the feelings and beliefs (like 'I'm not worth protecting') that have kept your self-worth low. This foundational work helps you establish internal safety and self-trust, which is essential for building a resilient, unshakeable sense of value.

How Self-Esteem Therapy Helps You Reconnect With Yourself

When your confidence wavers, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are beneath the achievements, roles, and expectations. Self-esteem therapy helps you come home to yourself, to rebuild a sense of worth that feels steady, authentic, and internally driven.

Here’s What the Process Can Look Like:

  • Therapy helps you separate your sense of self from your actual accomplishments. You will learn how to reconnect with the values that make you feel most alive and happy. You’ll start to see yourself as a whole person, not just a performer or caretaker.

  • Instead of relying on outside validation or approval, you’ll begin to listen to your own judgment. Together, we’ll strengthen the part of you that knows what you need, want, and believe, even when others disagree.

  • Many high achievers built self-esteem around meeting expectations early in life. We’ll explore how those patterns formed and help you relate to your younger self with understanding rather than criticism.

  • When your worth isn’t tied to productivity, rest stops feeling like guilt and starts feeling like nourishment. You’ll learn how to care for yourself without needing to “earn” it first

  • As your sense of worth becomes more grounded, confidence follows naturally. You’ll make decisions with clarity, communicate your needs with ease, and build relationships rooted in mutual respect instead of over-functioning or people-pleasing.

  • And if perfectionism, imposter thoughts, or burnout also play a role, those can be explored more deeply through:

    Together, these approaches help you grow in ways that feel aligned, not pressured.

Black and white photo of woman in white suite with short hair and glasses looking at her phone for zoom self-esteem therapy.

IN SHORT

Self-esteem therapy helps you stop performing for approval and start living from authenticity. It’s not about becoming someone new, it’s about finally feeling comfortable as yourself.

Ready to reconnect with who you are

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Self-Esteem FAQs

  • Yes. I offer evening and limited weekend sessions to make therapy more accessible for busy professionals. These time slots fill quickly, so the best way to check current availability is to schedule a free consultation.

  • I’m licensed in Colorado, Massachusetts, New York, Vermont, and Florida, and provide secure, HIPAA-compliant online therapy through private video sessions.

  • Absolutely. Research shows that teletherapy is just as effective as traditional in-person care. You’ll receive the same personalized, evidence-based support for improving confidence, reducing self-doubt, and rebuilding self-worth, with added convenience and privacy.

  • It depends on your goals and how deep the patterns run. Many clients begin to notice a shift in 4–6 weeks, and lasting changes in 3–6 months of consistent sessions. We’ll adjust the pace and frequency of sessions based on what works best for your schedule and growth.

  • Yes, often more than most people realize. You can appear confident and accomplished while still battling self-criticism or never feeling “enough.” Therapy helps you bridge that gap so your inner experience matches the life you’ve built.

  • That’s completely okay. During our consultation, we’ll clarify what’s happening, whether it’s self-esteem, perfectionism, imposter thoughts, or anxiety. From there, we can decide which therapy focus or combination of supports fits best. You don’t have to figure it out alone. Therapy is a space to explore what’s really going on and start finding clarity.

  • The easiest way to begin is by booking a free 30-minute phone consultation. We’ll discuss your goals, answer questions, and explore whether we’re a good fit for working together.

BOOK A FREE CONSULT
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Self-Esteem Book Recommendations

Start Your Journey Towards Confidence Today!

There’s no better time than now to invest in your mental wellness and rebuild your self-esteem. You are more than deserving of feeling confident, worthy, enough, and empowered! Together, we’ll work on building your positive sense of self so you can stop questioning your worth and start showing up fully as yourself. Over time, you’ll develop values-based confidence, the kind that comes from alignment with who you are, not what you produce.

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