Grief and Loss: Holiday Edition

There is an unspoken expectation that the holidays represent a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. However, for those navigating the many forms of grief and loss, this time can amplify sadness, anxiety, anger, loneliness, and feelings of isolation. Whether you are grieving the passing of a loved one, a break-up, loss of a job, health complications, post-election results, or family disruption, you are not alone!

Please remember there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to grief and loss. Your grieving experience is valid and unique to you, and your responses to that grief deserve to be honored. Unfortunately, many people do not know how to respond to someone struggling with loss. The uncertainty can lead to awkward silences, unhelpful comments, or well-meaning but misguided attempts to "fix" the pain. I encourage you to reflect on what helps you the most so that you can communicate those needs if/when needed. If you benefit from alone time to process, reflect, and ground, please let people know and give yourself the space to do so. Alternatively, you might value increased connection with friends or loved ones during difficult times. This will feel especially true during the holidays. If this is you, do not hesitate to ask for additional support.

Whether you are navigating the holidays on your own, or surrounded by others, you deserve to show up for YOU! 

GRIEF & LOSS TOOLKIT- HOLIDAY EDITION

The following 8 tips are designed to help you move through grief and loss during the holidays.

1) Acknowledge Your Feelings

Grief is complex and doesn’t follow a linear path. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise—sadness, anger, guilt, or even moments of happiness. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel happy, even while grieving, and it’s equally okay to struggle. Suppressing emotions often makes them harder to manage, while getting them out can be very therapeutic.

Try this: Journal for five minutes daily to express your feelings without judgment. Sometimes, putting words to emotions can provide relief. If journaling is not your thing, that's okay! There are plenty of other options to express your feelings, such as drawing, painting, sculpting, or singing.

2) Take a Healthy Break from your Feelings

It may sound contradictory from the first tip, but it is also important to give yourself permission to set those feelings aside when necessary. Grieving can be overwhelming, and sometimes, the intensity of your emotions may feel too much to handle in the moment. Allowing yourself space to temporarily "put away" your grief doesn't mean you are avoiding it or denying it; rather, it’s an act of self-care that enables you to function in the present while knowing that your emotions are still there and will be addressed when you're ready. It's okay to take a break from the heaviness of grief, whether focusing on something else, engaging in a self-care routine, or simply resting. When you're ready to return to your feelings, they'll still be waiting, and you can approach them with more energy and clarity. Remember, grief doesn’t need to be faced all at once.

Try this: Imaginary Box Technique

1. Sit in a quiet, comfortable space.

2. Imagine a box that won't break.

3. Visualize putting your grief in the box (e.g., thoughts, feelings, emotions) and close it tightly.

4. Label the box "I’ll come back to this later" or simply "Grief."

5. Store the box by imagining you are placing it on a shelf or somewhere safe.

6. Return to the box when you are ready.

3) Set your Boundaries

There is often pressure to participate in holiday gatherings, which can be overwhelming, especially when you are grieving. It’s important to prioritize your well-being by setting limits that feel right for you. You are allowed to “Say No” to events, interactions, or celebrations or excuse yourself if feel the need to leave early.

Try this:

If you are looking to decline an invitation, draft a script that politely lets them know you will not be attending, such as, "Thank you for inviting me to your holiday gathering. Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend this year. I greatly appreciate your thoughtfulness and understanding."

4) Honor Loss in Your Own Way

For some, creating a ritual to honor their grief during the holidays can be healing. For example, you could light a candle for a loved one, donate to their favorite cause, prepare their favorite holiday dish, or write a letter. If your grief is unrelated to a person, consider creating a ritual that symbolizes releasing or acknowledging your loss.

Try this: Set up a small space in your home for reflection. Add photos, meaningful objects, or anything that helps you connect to your feelings and memories.

5) Lean on Your Support Team

While some people enjoy time spent alone, complete isolation can intensify the pain of grief. Instead of navigating this time all by yourself, reach out to your trusted team (e.g., friends, family members, or groups) for increased connection. You deserve to feel supported during your grief journey.  

Try this: List three people you can reach out to when you’re feeling lonely. If you feel comfortable, let them know you would appreciate extra check-ins during this time. You could also share the type of support that you find the most helpful (e.g., ear to listen, shoulder to cry on, sit in silence, go for a walk, share memories, distraction, etc.).

6) Practice Self-Compassion & Self-Care

People often place a lot of pressure on themselves during the holiday season. However, during times of grief, it is MORE THAN OKAY to release that pressure and to take care of YOU! Don't forget, you are human and deserving of the same grace you would give to a friend grieving. Please allow yourself to rest, adjust plans, or take things one moment at a time.
Try this: Create a small "Self-Care Grief Toolkit" utilizing the five senses. This can help to promote grounding and relaxation. For Example:

• Touch: Snuggle up with a comfortable blanket

• Taste: Drink your favorite herbal tea

• Smell: Defuse calming essential oils

• Sight: Look at photos or videos that put a smile on your face

• Hear: Listen to comforting music or a podcast

7) Plan Ahead for Difficult Moments

Anticipate triggers and create a plan to manage them. Whether it’s a specific song, tradition, or gathering that feels hard, preparing in advance can make these moments less overwhelming.

Try this: Write down three ways to ground yourself if emotions feel intense, such as deep breathing, stepping outside for fresh air, texting a friend, or going for a walk.

8) Remember, It’s Okay to Seek Outside Professional Support

Grief can feel all-consuming and navigating it during the holidays may feel especially hard. If you are looking for outside support where you can process your experience in a safe and unbiased space, therapy focused on grief & loss may be right for you!  

Try this: Schedule a free phone consultation with a trained mental health clinician who specializes in grief and loss therapy. This will give you an opportunity to ask questions and see if you might find it helpful.

You Don’t Have to Face This Alone

As someone who has personally moved through grief & loss and then became a therapist specializing in grief, I know all too well how difficult the holiday season can be! Whether it's with me or another trained clinician, therapy is a wonderful place to find healing. If you are feeling stuck in your grief or simply need a nonjudgemental space to talk, please reach out! 

For more information on Grief & Loss, please check out my Grief & Loss Therapy page. Or, if you are ready to start Grief & Loss Therapy, please feel free to CONTACT ME [or]  SCHEDULE NOW!

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About Alexis Verbin, LCSW, LICSW

Alexis Verbin is the founder of Wellcore Healing and a licensed therapist specializing in anxiety, self-esteem, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, grief, and stress. She empowers high-achieving individuals, female executives, business owners, overwhelmed moms, and young adults to thrive through personalized, evidence-based therapy.

Online Therapy Services

Alexis offers online therapy for residents of Colorado, Massachusetts, Vermont, and Florida. With a focus on mental wellness, she uses techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Mindfulness to support her clients. Whether you're in Denver, Boston, Burlington, or Clearwater, Wellcore Healing provides compassionate, evidence-based support wherever you are.

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